The blanket of depression that I spend all winter fighting off is becoming lighter, and I thank God for that
But it's time to face some facts. Scary facts.
Like the fact that in less than three months, I will be out of high school forever. That is a startling thought. Up until now I've been dying to get out, and I still am, but it's weird thinking I'll never have that comfortable constant in my life again.
In less than six months, I'll be in college. Where it's all on me. My responsibility to drive myself to school, to do my homework, to get the grades to pass. I can barely manage to get to high school on time, let alone recognize homework or try hard to do anything but just barely make it out of high school with B's and C's.
Also, in less than six months I'll be driving a car that I paid for and will have to continue to pay for (insurance, gas). And if I can't make that money, I don't drive.
Which means I don't go to school. Which is probably not a good thing.

I feel like so much is changing. So much that I'm afraid to make any commitments to anyone or anything. If I know myself, and I like to think I relatively do, I know that I change my thoughts, opinions and desires a lot. And I don't know if that's good or not. Maybe it's a sign or great instability. Maybe it's a sign that I don't rely on God enough.
Or maybe I'm a teenager and this is normal? Gosh, in two years I won't even be a teenager anymore. What will my excuse be then?


Your Love Is Strong - Jon Foreman

Heavenly Father
You always amaze me
Let your kingdom come
In my world and in my life
You give me the food I need
To live through the day
And forgive me as I forgive
The people that wronged me
Lead me far from temptation
Deliver me from the evil one

So why do I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need

The kingdom of the heavens
Is now advancing
Invade my heart
Invade this broken town
The kingdom of the heavens
Is buried treasure
Will you sell yourself
To buy the one you've found?

Two things you told me
That you are strong
And you love me
Yes, you love me

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Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your soul. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
Matthew 11:28-30