So tomorrow is the Christmas show at the Barn. It'll be the third year in a row that I've gone and I'm so excited to go this year. I love tradition. I love annual events. They bring back memories, and usually just good ones.
This year will be different though. I'm going to share a table with Chris (who will be selling his Grace Through Bloodshed shirts) and attempting to sell Suubi necklaces.
It's been getting me down lately that I've only sold 11 or 12. I've got almost 20 left to sell. And it kind of hit me last night how serious this is. I knew all along that this wasn't just fun and trendy-- this was me offering my self to help these women provide for their huge families.
But the necklaces just aren't all that easy to sell. Even with the story behind them, even when you show pictures and tell stories and give facts..
..you can't make people care. You can't get people to do something or care about something that they don't want to.
And it breaks my heart. That all these people, myself included, cannot forget themselves for a second. We're so obsessed with ourselves.
I'm obsessed with myself.
And I can't get over it. I can't get over my desire to make myself happy. And I want to. I want to lay down my life for everyone in the world. I want to surrender my needs and desires to help others get their needs and desires fulfilled. And not because I think they're better than me or that I think I'm unworthy.
I just want to make people stop and see that there is some good left in the world. Some people actually love. I want people to see my source and see my light. I want to change the way people perceive Christians. I want to bring back the image of Jesus to Christianity. I want to shock people when I tell them I'm a Christian. "But you're not judgemental! You're not anti-gay! You're not overly political! You haven't tried to 'save' me yet! What's going on?!?!"
I want to be a vessel for God to use to show people what real love looks like. So forgive me if I beat myself up endlessly. "Christian" is an important title--I don't want to take it lightly or give the world even more reason to think negatively toward the title.
[And yes. I have been reading unChristian: What A Generation Really Thinks About Christianity by David Kinnaman & Gabe Lyons. The statistics are crazy but not shocking. Christians give Christians a bad name.
And it breaks my heart.]
1 comment:
I'll be right there behind you Lynette. You need my help with anything go ahead and give me a call I've got nothin planned. :)
Even if I did if it were for something like this I'll be there.
GOD HAS GREAT THINGS PLANNED FOR YOU. Your potential is a gift from Him and he will use it. He already has. You do devout yourself to Him. And your connection will only get stronger. Even in the worst times. I believe in you. And I believe that you will acomplish great things. Youv already done a lot at the young age of seventeen. You have prooved that age doesnt make a difference in the amount of greatness someone can achieve. LIVING PROOF.
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